It’s no secret that every girl secretly pines for her own Ryan Gosling. But the dating culture we have come to know today, is not the right way to find this great love that each girl so desperately craves. With all of the romantic comedies hitting theaters it is no wonder girls have this dream of how they want a romance to go.There is constantly new technology coming around and we are all used to this new idea of “dating”. It is a sweet text, the lack of commitment, and the “hook-up” attitude many young people are engaging in today. This attitude is exactly what is wrong with society and it doesn’t give the actual good guys a chance to be with someone they want. It always seems that there are tons of desperate girls searching for the perfect man and when they finally meet them they are already in a relationship.For some reason, this new “dating” style and lack of commitment is the popular trend, but remember back in middle school when having a boyfriend was the popular thing to do. Remember those butterflies you would get in your stomach when your crush walked by, and how all the girls would whisper to each other about who “liked” who.
Now, I’m not saying we should resort to those middle school tactics because as adults we know how to communicate and handle things better then that, right?When I go to the clubs and bars, I notice how many girls and guys are judging each other to find the “perfect person” for that night. It is as if each person is endlessly looking around the room to find someone attractive enough to be with for the next few hours.
What ever happened to just going out on dates with a girl or a guy and getting to know them? In our society today, it seems that there is this lack of chivalry that now only exists in old 80’s movies.Since we have this new dating culture in our society, I have created a few things that the good guys can do to show they are interested in a girl, in a respectful way. Think of it as taking that 80’s movie chivalry and putting it in present day, with a modern twist of course.1. Text her goodnight and good morningThis may seem like something only people who want to hook-up do, but lets be real it is nice to know that your crush is thinking about you.
This will also ensure the girl that you like her, which is the first step in starting a relationship. Warning, keep this for certain days and don’t be excessive with this. It can become a habit and then it looses it special factor.2. Ask to hangout, without having other intentionsIt seems that in our culture today, hangout = lets have sex. This is not always true. Sometimes the girl just wants to cuddle, watch a movie, and talk without the guy trying to get her in bed. By doing this, you will be on good standings with her, which can be very beneficial, and there will be no pressure to do anything sexual.
Nowadays, when we say that chivalry is not dead, we are alluding to the high standard of character and conduct typically associated with gallant knights.
With sex off the table, then there is no pressure on the night. You can both just have a good time and get to know each other better.3. Pick up the phone and call herI know that our technology has evolved to texting and now even the iPhone SIRI will write and send your texts for you, but seriously there is nothing wrong with a good old-fashioned phone call. For one thing, it is much more personal and it actually makes you know he is interested on a relationship level. The phone call gives off the message of “I like you, I want to talk to you and get to know you better”.
The text says, “Are you busy tonight, I’m bored and I want to have sex”.4. Know how to ask a girl out on a dateBe a man and ask a girl to dinner or lunch. Ask her in person or call her, don’t just text her.
I understand that this can be very intimidating and that all of the pressure is on the guys in this situation, but this is how dating has been done for decades (remember the 1950s?). I’m sure most girls, as long as they’re not in a relationship, will take you up on this offer because this doesn’t happen very often anymore.It is refreshing to see a guy take the lead and make the first move. If she happens to say no, move on to the next girl you like. She obviously wasn’t the right person for you.
Another little tip: I know this might go without saying, but the guy should pay for the first date. Every one after that is not required. Ladies, get this out of your head that he has to pay for everything. Just like you don’t have an unlimited bank account, neither does he.5.
Know what you are looking for in a partnerThis one is hard especially for those of you who might be new to the whole dating game. Know the qualities you want in someone else.
Pick someone who will make you a better person instead of someone who bosses you around and treats you like crap. You need to work together instead of always trying to please the other person.
Relationships are a two-way street, so both parties should act as such.6. Show her you care about her and want to be with herDo something nice for her. Make her feel like you actually care about her and want to spend time with her. Take her likes into consideration and actually try to make her happy. Now, ladies – back to the two-way street thing – this goes both ways sometimes.
He shouldn’t always be spending money or doing nice things to make you happy, you also need to step up to the plate too, just saying.7. Finally, be the guy she wants to show off and bring home to her parentsBe nice to her. Show her you care. Spend time together and find things common interests. Be the person she loves and wants to show off. Be there for her when she needs it and then sometimes even when she doesn’t. Tell her she’s beautiful, even when she’s wearing sweatpants and feels like crap.Don’t be afraid to take risks and have fun because that’s really the only thing that matters.
Spend time with the person who makes you happy. Even if this relationship is not the one that will last forever, you should be spending the time with someone who genuinely loves being with you and vice versa.
According to the traditional conception of women, we women aren’t so womanly anymore. Thankfully, hegemonic ideas of femininity — being delicate (honestly, just a euphemism for “weak”), submissive and servile to men as well as pretty and attractive at all times — are constantly being challenged. Things are looking much better for women today. But many notions of sexism — chivalry being one of the worst offenders — are still embedded in our society today.Compared to the formerly oppressive status quo, the progress of gender equality in the United States is undeniable. Today, women possess the right to vote and can walk down the street with their ankles showing in broad daylight without anyone gasping in horror.Besides the obvious stuff, we’re beginning to notice the subtle, underlying gender stereotypes in previously disregarded aspects of everyday life, such as the media. There are compelling arguments about the effects of gendered colors and toys on the development of children’s identities and hidden gender discrimination in the almighty Walt Disney Company’s movies and fairytales — all things that most people used to see as completely harmless and pure.
But this makes it easy for some people, frustrated at the nitpicky feminist for pointing out every minor form of perceived sexism, to say that those brutish, modern “feminazis” are just overreacting.But noticing covert sexism matters. Recognizing subtle forms of gender discrimination allows us to see just how systemic sexism truly is and helps us get that much closer to achieving gender equality. When a boy acts slightly too feminine, it’s totally routine to say, “Come on, be a man. Stop acting like a girl.” Although it is increasingly frequent, rarely will anyone notice the unyielding societal expectations and burdens imposed on that little boy. Some of the highest grossing children’s movies (“Shrek,” “Aladdin,” “Tarzan,” “Beauty and the Beast,” etc.) depict a woman falling in love with a chivalrous man who is a complete stranger. For her, their first kiss is magical and, in many cases, literally and figuratively transformative.No matter how ordinary or traditional these incidents may seem, their messages reinforce gender stereotypes. Now, with my friends’ mushy, picturesque, tear-jerking Valentine’s Day stories still fresh on my mind, I want to talk about an instance of this subtle sexism, and one that I’ve noticed is regarded by most of my girl friends as “more than OK” and “not sexist at all” — chivalry.Let’s be clear about the definition of chivalry here.
The term “chivalry” derives from a system of values, such as loyalty and honor, that knights were expected to follow during the Middle Ages. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the term as “an honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women.”So here’s the simple question with no simple answer: Is chivalry sexist? Well, what do you think?
He pays for her dinner, he gives up his bus seat for her, he carries her bag and books while walking to class, he pushes in her chair for her once she sits down. Is this discrimination? It can definitely get confusing, and my own friends found they were contradicting themselves. One of my female friends said, “It’s probably sexist since it’s implying we shouldn’t do things on our own but I still like when a guy does those things for me.” Then one of my male friends chimed in, “I don’t see it as sexism at all. It’s just politeness and courtesy.”He’s right. Doing all of those things is merely polite and can definitely be seen as a means of affection or kindness toward another. There can never be enough kindness in the world, and it seems counterproductive to question people who are simply being nice.
But let’s take a look at the rigid gender construction at play here. One hardly expects women to ever do those things for men. (Ladies, have you ever take a boy’s stack of books from his hands? And fellas, try telling me you’ve had or wanted your car door opened by your girlfriend.) Because of this lack of reciprocity, I can’t help but wonder if these aren’t mere acts of kindness and affection but acts rooted in protection and power as well as displays of masculine strength and resourcefulness.OK, whatever, maybe men just like doing nice things for women, regardless of whether they think women are weak or not. It’s about the implications: If a girl shouldn’t carry her own books, does this promote an image of fragility, perhaps even in other aspects of her life, such as her career?
I mean, do you want your CEO, someone who is leading you, to be a person who appears weak? If the man should always pay for dinner, does the woman even need an equal salary? In such scenarios, chivalry is certainly discriminatory.I’m sure most chivalrous men are well-intending.
But to me, chivalry still seems like a rather contradictory representation of kindness, maybe better off left in the dark ages.No tags yet.